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My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands
In this raucous collection of true-life stories, actress and comedian Chelsea Handler recounts her time spent in the social trenches with that wild, strange, irresistible, and often gratifying beast: the one-night stand.You've either done it or know someone who has: the one-night stand, the familiar outcome of a night spent at a bar, sometimes the sole payoff for your friend's irritating wedding, or the only relief from a disastrous vacation. Often embarrassing and uncomfortable, occasionally outlandish, but most times just a necessary and irresistible evil, the one-night stand is a social rite as old as sex itself and as common as a bar stool.Enter Chelsea Handler. Gorgeous, sharp, and anything but shy, Chelsea loves men and lots of them. My Horizontal Life chronicles her romp through the different bedrooms of a variety of suitors, a no-holds-barred account of what can happen between a man and a sometimes very intoxicated, outgoing woman during one night of passion. From her short fling with a Vegas stripper to her even shorter dalliance with a well-endowed little person, from her uncomfortable tryst with a cruise ship performer to her misguided rebound with a man who likes to play leather dress-up, Chelsea recalls the highs and lows of her one-night stands with hilarious honesty. Encouraged by her motley collection of friends (aka: her partners in crime) but challenged by her family members (who at times find themselves a surprise part of the encounter), Chelsea hits bottom and bounces back, unafraid to share the gritty details. My Horizontal Life is one guilty pleasure you won't be ashamed to talk about in the morning. .
Price: $7.80
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The Chris Farley Show: A Biography in Three Acts
Amazon Best of the Month, May 2008: You don't have to be a rabid Chris Farley fan to enjoy The Chris Farley Show, an honest, endearing oral biography about a truly funny, deeply troubled addict that is as likely to make you cry as it is to make you laugh out loud. Made up mostly of excerpts from intimate interviews with family, childhood friends, famous castmates, and writers, The Chris Farley Show is a vivid portrait of a performer, told plainly by the people who knew him best at every stage of his life. These hundred or so interviews piece together the complex back-story of a hugely talented, big-hearted guy who could make the funniest people in the business laugh with "just a look," but whose vulnerability and "puppy dog personality" charmed friends and family into letting him off the hook--preventing him from getting help when he needed it most. Funny and heart wrenching, The Chris Farley Show is a must-read for fans of Farley and of the people who loved him (including David Spade, Chris Rock, Tim Meadows), as well as anyone looking for a glimpse into life on the stage. --Daphne Durham.
Price: $13.46
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Born Standing Up: A Comic's Life
At age 10, Steve Martin got a job selling guidebooks at the newly opened Disneyland In the decade that followed, he worked in Disney's magic shop, print shop, and theater, and developed his own magic/comedy act. By age 20, studying poetry and philosophy on the side, he was performing a dozen times a week, most often at the Disney rival, Knott's Berry Farm. Obsession is a substitute for talent, he has said, and Steve Martin's focus and daring--his sheer tenacity--are truly stunning. He writes about making the very tough decision to sacrifice everything not original in his act, and about lucking into a job writing for The Smothers Brothers Show. He writes about mentors, girlfriends, his complex relationship with his parents and sister, and about some of his great peers in comedy--Dan Ackroyd, Lorne Michaels, Carl Reiner, Johnny Carson. He writes about fear, anxiety and loneliness. And he writes about how he figured out what worked on stage. This book is a memoir, but it is also an illuminating guidebook to stand-up from one of our two or three greatest comedians. Though Martin is reticent about his personal life, he is also stunningly deft, and manages to give readers a feeling of intimacy and candor. Illustrated throughout with black and white photographs collected by Martin, this book is instantly compelling visually and a spectacularly good read.
Amazon.com Exclusive
Three Bonus Deleted Passages from Steve Martin's Born Standing Up
 On Returning to Disneyland
Ten years later, after the Beatles, drugs, and Vietnam had changed the entire tenor of American life, I returned to the magic shop at Disneyland and stood as a stranger. As I looked around the eerily familiar room another first came over me, a previously unknown emotion, one that was to have a curious force over me for the rest my life: the longing tug of nostalgia. Looking at the counter where I pitched Svengali Decks and the Incredible Shrinking Die, I was awash with the recollection of indelible nights where the sky was blown open by fireworks and big band sounds drifted through trees strung with fairy lights. I remembered my youth, when every moment was crisply present, when heartbreak and joy replaced each other quickly, fully and without trauma. Even now when I visit Disneyland, I am steeped in melancholy, because a corporation has preserved my nostalgia impeccably. Every nail and screw is the same, and Disneyland looks as new now as it did then. The paint is fresh, and the only wear allowed is faux. In fact, only I have changed. In the dream-like world of childhood memories, so often vague and imprecise, Disneyland remains for me not only vivid in memory, but vivid in fact. On Meeting Diane Hall
During the day, I attended Santa Ana Junior College, taking drama classes and pursuing an unexpected interest in English poetry from Donne to Eliot. I would occasionally assist on a college stage production--never appearing in one--as a member of the crew. Years later I was looking through a box of memorabilia and noticed a silk-screened playbill of the musical Carousel, May, 1964, which listed me as a stagehand. The lead actress was Diane Hall. Something connected and I remembered that Diane Keaton's name was once Hall, (hence, Annie Hall). I confirmed with her that she was in that production. Neither of us remembers meeting the other, yet we must have worked in proximity. More evidence that I was a wallflower. Decades later, we ended up "making love" on the floor of a movie set on Father of the Bride. On the Kennedy Assassination
One Friday in 1963, I had finished a class and was about to drive to Knott's Berry Farm for the afternoon shows when I saw a clump of agitated students across the campus. I asked someone what was going on. "They're saying that the president's been shot." I drove across town to Knott's and punched radio buttons. I could hear the scheduled programs clicking off and being replaced by live broadcasts. Assassination seemed so ancient and inconceivable, I was sure that someone would soon correct the erroneous report. President Kennedy died that day and I didn't know that news could be taken so personally by a nation. Sitting backstage, watching the Birdcage's black-and-white TV drone out the increasingly grave report, we were all mute. We assumed the performance that night would be canceled, but as show time neared, word came down that we were going on. We couldn't fathom why; we believed no one would show up, much less enjoy us. I still can't explain the psychology, why the very full house that night was able to roar with laughter. The obvious must be correct: our silly show was providing some kind of balm that soothed the ache. In 2003 I hosted the Oscars on the particular weekend that the United States invaded Iraq. The news was grim and just hours before the show I flipped on the TV and saw a report, subsequently proven false, that our captive soldiers were being beheaded. I quickly turned the TV off, sick. I knew, from my experience forty years earlier with the Kennedy assassination, what my job was, and I harbored a secret knowledge that the audience would laugh. I also felt that soldiers who might be watching would be tuning in to see the Oscars and all its hoopla, not a cheerless comedian doing what he doesn't do best. I decided to acknowledge the circumstances early in the show and then get on with the jokes. The academy had announced that the show would "cut back on the glitz." I walked out for the opening monologue, took a look around the stage at the dazzling, swirling staircases, mirrored curtains and polished floor, and simply said, "I'm glad they cut back on the glitz." It got a laugh of relief and the show could go on.
More from Steve Martin
Praise for Born Standing Up "[A] lean, incisive new book about the trajectory of [Martin's] life in comedy... Born Standing Up does a sharp-witted job of breaking down the step-by-step process that brought Steve Martin from Disneyland, where he spent his version of a Dickensian childhood as a schoolboy employee, to both the pinnacle of stardom and the brink of disaster...tightly focused... Born Standing Up is a surprising book: smart, serious, heartfelt and confessional without being maudlin." --Janet Maslin, The New York Times "Absolutely magnificent. One of the best books about comedy and being a comedian ever written." --Jerry Seinfeld, GQ "The writing is evocative, unflinching and cool. When Martin takes a scalpel to his life, what you feel is the precision of the surgeon more than the primal scream of the unanaesthetized patient...Born Standing Up is neither fanfare nor confession. It gives off a vibe of rigorous honesty. With lots of laughs." --Richard Corliss, Time Magazine "A spare, unexpectedly resonant remembrance of things past…Martin's one true subject is the evolution of his comedy--the transcendent moments...A smart, gentlemanly, modest book…winning." --Jeff Giles, Entertainment Weekly, EW Pick: A "A charming memoir tracking what the great comic characterizes as his 'war years.' Martin offers an eloquent and exacting account... [and] approaches his subjects with generosity, warmth and integrity." --Kirkus Reviews "Sure to delight fans and create new ones." --Laura Mathews, Good Housekeeping "What fun to discover the humble beginnings of some of his iconic personas...inspiring." --Rachel Rosenblit, Elle "The archetypical story of the underdog's rise and a particularly American story...beautifully written, honest, engaging, and quietly brave." --Frederic Tuten, Bomb Magazine "Son, you have an ob-leek sense of humor." --Elvis Presley
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Price: $4.95
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Yes, You're Pregnant, But What About Me?
At fifty-three, Kevin Nealon thought he had it all: a massive international celebrity with legions of loyal fans; a fabulous modeling career; hundreds of millions of dollars in the bank; and the most recognizable face on the planet. Nealon had accomplished the impossible: a thirty-year career in show business with only limited trips to rehab. But just like every other celebrity, he felt that was not enough. The perpetually insatiable Nealon wanted more, and for him "more" meant a little addition that drooled, burped, and pooped (no, not a Pomeranian). Now, in his first-ever book, Nealon tells the outrageous story of how he battled through aching joints, Milano cookie cravings, and a rapidly receding hairline to become a first-time dad at an age when most fathers are packing their kids off to college. Offering hysterical commentary about his fickle, often hormonal, road to belated and bloated fatherhood, Nealon guides you through the delivery room and beyond, discussing how his past, his wife, and his neuroses all converged in a montage of side-splitting insecurities during the months leading up to the birth of his son. In Yes, You're Pregnant, But What About Me?, Nealon details his trip through all the emotional stages of pregnancy—uncomfortable, denial, hungry, sleepy, self-conscious, hungrier, confused, cranky, not-quite-as-hungry but still craving something, sweaty, covered in cookie crumbs—all while struggling to keep his blood pressure down and find the time to read the latest issue of the AARP Bulletin. Wrestling with the dilemmas and fears that fathers have been dealing with for centuries (Can I duct-tape a crib together? How often can I reuse a disposable diaper? What if the baby looks like me and not my wife?), Nealon never fails to entertain with the frequent lunacy and inevitable joy that punctuate his story about parenthood. Laugh-out-loud funny and remarkably poignant, Nealon's entertaining perspective and his wealth of sarcasm provide a take on fatherhood that is as fresh as it is universal, always reminding you that half the fun of being a parent is getting there. .
Price: $15.28
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Celebrity Detox: (The Fame Game)
Sometimes funny, sometimes heartbreaking, and always brutally honest, this is Rosie O'Donnell's surprising account of the pain, regret, and euphoria involved in withdrawing from celebrity life--and the terrifying dangers of relapsing into the spotlight. CELEBRITY DETOX is Rosie's story of the years after she walked away from her top-rated TV show in 2002, and her reasons for going back on the air in 2006. In it, she takes you inside the world of talk show TV, speaking candidly about the conflicts and challenges she faced as cohost on ABC's The View. Along the way Rosie shows us how fame becomes addiction and explores whether or not it's possible for an addict to safely, and sanely, return to the spotlight. Chronicling the ups and downs of "the fame game," Rosie O'Donnell illuminates not only what it's like to be a celebrity, but also what it's like to be a mother, a daughter, a leader, a friend, a sister, a wife...in short, a human being..
Price: $7.00
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Cancer on $5 a Day* *(chemo not included): How Humor Got Me Through the Toughest Journey of My Life
In the spring of 2000, Robert Schimmel was riding high. He’d won the Stand-Up of the Year Award, his HBO special was a huge hit, and his sitcom had been picked up. And then it all came crashing down. Diagnosed with Stage III non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma, he was told he would have to undergo chemotherapy immediately. The sitcom was dumped and the fire of his white-hot career started to go out. But Schimmel never lost his sense of humor, his knife-like edge, and most of all, his passion to entertain. Indeed, it was his basic need to laugh-even if the only people around him were suffering from cancer and the room he was playing was the Mayo Clinic infusion center-that carried him through his ordeal. From his colorful banter with nurses and other patients during chemo, to his hilarious conversation with a wig salesman, going for the laugh was Robert Schimmel’s survival mechanism. Alternately laugh-out-loud funny and profound, Cancer on Five Dollars a Day is an honest account of how one man’s face-off with a deadly disease helped him better understand himself. .
Price: $12.39
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I Love Everybody (and Other Atrocious Lies): True Tales of a Loudmouth Girl
Here are more scathingly funny tales from the wild side! Laurie Notaro survived the debauched ride of her twenties and the bumpy road to matrimony Now she’s ready to take on the thirtysomething years . . . and almost middle age has never been more hilarious. Laurie is married, mortgaged, and now—miraculously—employed in the corporate world, discovering that bosses come in all shapes, sizes, and degrees of mental stability. After maxing out her last good credit card at Banana Republic, she’s dressed for success and ready to face the jungle: surviving feral, six-foot-plus Gretchen (“Three Thousand Faces of Eve”) before battling the overbearing, overstuffed (in way-too-small pants) new mom Suzzi, who ruthlessly cancels Laurie’s newspaper column and learns that payback can be a bitch. Laurie also explores the backstabbing world of preschoolers at a Halloween party, the X-rated madness of a family trip to Disneyland, and the pressure from her QVC-addicted mother and the rest of the world to reproduce. But while losing more friends to babies than to booze, she realizes there’s a plus side: at least for a couple of months she gets to be the thinner friend. I Love Everybody (and Other Atrocious Lies) is Laurie Notaro at her deliciously quirky best. Can a woman prone to what her loved ones might term “meltdowns” (she considers them “Opportunities to Enlighten”) put a smile on her face and love everybody? Take a guess..
Price: $4.45
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Rickles' Book: A Memoir
Why you need to buy RICKLES' Book immediately:RICKLES' BOOK will help you win friends and influence people. RICKLES' BOOK will introduce you to all of his famous friends, from Frank Sinatra to Johnny Carson. RICKLES' BOOK will help you lose weight. RICKLES' BOOK will help you gain weight. RICKLES' BOOK will improve your love life. RICKLES' BOOK will make you cry. (If your love life doesn't improve.) RICKLES' BOOK will make you laugh. (If your love life does improve.) RICKLES' BOOK will make you love one of the great Americans of our time, Don Rickles. RICKLES' BOOK will give you something to talk about at parties. (If you're ever invited to parties.) RICKLES' BOOK, along with the Bible and War and Peace, will grace your bookshelf and upgrade your literary status. RICKLES' BOOK will keep you up at night. RICKLES' BOOK will put you to sleep at night. RICKLES' BOOK will make you rich. (If you treasure great humor.).
Price: $5.99
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Love, Lucy
Although Lucille Ball died in 1989, this autobiography written prior to 1964 has only recently been discovered among her papers. She describes a childhood deeply affected by her father's death and her mother's withdrawal from her life. Raised by her grandparents, Ball craved attention and developed a tempestuous, vivacious, fiery, and yet insecure personality that would later lead her to comic stardom. It took years of working from the bottom of show business before she became a television hit, with the help of her husband, co-star, and business partner, former Cuban bandleader Desi Arnaz. Ball abandoned the book for fear of hurting Arnaz, although she gives him credit for the tremendous success she enjoyed with "I Love Lucy.".
Price: $3.89
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My Point...And I Do Have One
In this #1 New York Times bestseller, Ellen DeGeneres shares her hilarious take on everything from our most baffling human foibles–including how we behave in elevators, airplanes, and restrooms, and why we’re so scared of the boogeyman–to fashion trends, celebrity, and her secret recipe for Ellen’s Real Frenchy French Toast. Most of all, this witty, engaging book offers insights into the mind of one of America’s most beloved comics.… Dear Reader,
I was awfully excited when I was asked to write a book. I was however, nervous. I was afraid I didn’t have anything important to say. But when I began writing, I realized that although I don’t know a lot about any one thing, I know a little about a whole bunch of things: baking a pie; dancing; curing the common cold; running the Iditarod–it’s all in the book. And I realized I notice things that maybe some people don’t notice (or they don’t notice that they don’t notice). That’s all in the book, too.
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Price: $7.00
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