In an age where sex is passee even to teenagers, the nature of men and women remains as controversial as ever. Current research shows mammoth differences between the sexes that are not going away, and many of them are exactly opposite of what we expect them to be.
Our on-board programming seems to control not only who we are but also how we understand and misunderstand each other. It is the nature of men and women to conceal some of our qualities and exaggerate others, to overlook the obvious in each other and imagine the improbable, and to insist on seeing what suits our own purposes in spite of observables to the contrary. As men and women we collude to stage an elaborate costume masquerade in which we chat casually or dance closely cheek to cheek but are not at all who we seem to be. Our choreographies are convincing even to ourselves, so that we get taken in by our own performances and believe ourselves to be who we pretend to be. It is human nature to consider our masquerades right and proper, and to censure those who sneak a look behind them. The standard masquerade is the main reason we so thoroughly misunderstand one another. You Still Don't Understand takes us behind the myths and masks so we can see ourselves as we are, pretense and all.
We will see why men are considerably more intrigued by casual sex and tend to be sexual opportunists, but work to conceal it, while women are more cautious. We will see why we expect men to compensate women for romantic favors, while it is improper to acknowledge it and most of us would be readily offended by the mere suggestion.
We will see why women are more easily offended and are more insistent in arguments, while insisting that it is not so. We will see why men are more highly stressed in angry confrontations and withdraw to avoid unpleasantries, which women interpret as indifference.
We will see why our moral standards tend to support women and hold men accountable, while most of us consider society to be sexist and unfair to women. We will see why men bond more strongly than women and only appear more independent, while women fold relationships almost twice as often as men while appearing to be more emotionally entangled in them.
Fatherhood provided a cornerstone for human civilization, and we will see why it is unraveling so easily. Our primal moral passions which turned men into fathers now mix with our newfound freedoms and act in reverse, supporting women against men and legitimizing the current surge of fatherless families.
And much, much more. Each misunderstanding is a potential troublemaker, lurking in the shadows, ready to trip us up or send us the wrong direction down another dark alleyway.
Once we see what we are programmed to overlook, we can look ahead, and plan, and program in the brighter futures we would wish to see. We will find the answers behind the masquerades, amidst the real men and women we ought to recognize as ourselves..
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