Books about Acceptance from Amazon.com

Twelve-year-old Catherine just wants a normal life. Which is near impossible when you have a brother with autism and a family that revolves around his disability She's spent years trying to teach David the rules-from "a peach is not a funny-looking apple" to "keep your pants on in public"-in order to stop his embarrassing behaviors. But the summer Catherine meets Jason, a paraplegic boy, and Kristi, the next-door friend she's always wished for, it's her own shocking behavior that turns everything upside down and forces her to ask: What is normal?.
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Remember the phrase "question authority"? Loving What Is is a workbook on questioning authority--but in this case, what is in question is the authority of our own fundamental beliefs about our relationships

Known simply as "The Work," Byron Katie's methods are clean and straightforward. The basis is a series of four questions addressed to your own lists of written assumptions. Whether you're angry with your boss, frustrated with your teen's behavior, or appalled at the state of the world's environment, Katie suggests you write down your most honest thoughts on the matter, and then begin the examination. Starting with, "Is it true?" and continuing with explorations of "Who would you be without that thought?" this method allows you to get through unhelpful preconceptions and find peace. An integral part of the process is "turning the thought around," and at first this can seem like you're simply blaming yourself for everything. Push a little harder, and you'll find a very responsible acceptance of reality, beyond questions of fault and blame.

The book is filled with examples of folks applying The Work to a variety of life situations, and reading other's examples gets the idea across pretty clearly; chances are you'll find your own frustrations echoed on the pages a few times. Many chapters are divided into specific topics, such as couples, money, addictions, and self-judgments, with one chapter devoted to exploring the method with children.

Questioning your own authority is never an easy process, but it seems well worth the potential rewards--stress-free choices, peace, and affection for those closest to you. --Jill Lightner.
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This companion workbook to You Can Heal Your Life includes valuable writing exercises that teach you how to connect with your higher self..
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Trying to "change" negative thoughts through cognitive gymnastics is like trying to win a war single-handedly. Why waste a life trying the impossible? In Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life: The New Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, advocate Dr. Steven Hayes escorts the mildly depressed, angry, and anxiety prone through a new approach to handling suffering--universal human suffering caused by language's illusions. Rather than fighting off bad thoughts and feelings with internal pep talks, Hayes beautifully explains how to embrace those pessimistic and foreboding mental voices (much like welcoming home one's cranky, play-worn children), "defuse" them with respectful attention, and commit to leading a purposeful life that includes their occasional ranting.

Intriguing exercises help readers identify their core struggles, parse these into manageable pieces, and develop effective ways to move beyond rumination. The work progresses easily, thanks to Hayes' engaging style and his grace in coaching readers. Critics of cognitive and behavioral therapies will warm to Hayes' logical explanations of language's pitfalls (even language used by other therapeutic approaches); his sometimes goofy--but surprisingly effective--exercises; well-timed etymology lessons; and his uncanny ability to predict and skillfully address reader reactions throughout the workbook. Ironically, the path to life clocks many hours in the mind; plan to dedicate an intensive month of introspection to this program. Anyone who has been accused of thinking too much, who begrudges compliments, pines for a different life, or feels trapped at a mental dead end can benefit from Hayes' superior guidance.--Liane Thomas

Dr. Steven Hayes answers a few questions about his book, and describes how his research was inspired by his own struggles with panic and anxiety.

Questions for Steven Hayes

Amazon.com: Can you give us a lay person's primer on acceptance and commitment therapy?

Steven Hayes: Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is based on a rather remarkable fact: when normal problem solving skills are applied to psychologically painful thoughts or feelings, suffering often increases. Our research program has shown this in thousands of patients, in almost every area of human suffering. Fortunately, we have discovered why this is and we have developed some ways of correcting it.

The basic research underlying ACT shows that entanglement with your own mind leads automatically to experiential avoidance: the tendency to try first to remove or change negative thoughts and feelings as a method of life enhancement. This attempted sequence makes negative thoughts and feelings more central, important, and fearsome--and often decreasing the ability to be flexible, effective, and happy.

The trick that traps us is that these unhelpful mental processes are fed by agreement OR disagreement. Your mind is like a person who has to be right about everything. If you know any people like that you know that they are excited when you agree with them but they can be even more excited and energized when you argue with them! Minds are like that. So what do you do?

ACT teaches you what to do. I will say what that is, but readers need to understand that these mere words will not be useful in and of themselves. Minds are too clever for that! That is why the book has so many exercises and why we have a free discussion group on line for people working through the book (http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/). What ACT teaches is acceptance of emotions, mindful awareness of thoughts, contact with a transcendent sense of self, and action based on chosen values. This constellation of skills has shown itself in controlled research to help with an amazingly large range of problems, from anxiety to managing the challenges of physical disease, from depression, to stopping smoking.

Amazon.com: Some of this work is said to have come from your own battles with anxiety and panic. How did these ideas apply to your own struggles?

Steven Hayes: It was my own panic disorder that first put me on to the problem we have now confirmed in our research. My panic disorder began a little over 25 years ago. I watched in horror as it grew rapidly, simply by applying my normal problem solving skills to it. Anxiety felt awful and seemingly made it impossible to function, so it was obvious to me that I first needed to get rid of it before my life would improve. I tried lots of things to do that. But this very effort meant I had to constantly evaluate my level of anxiety, and fearfully check to see if it was going up or down as a result of my efforts. As a result, anxiety quickly became the central focus of my life. Anxiety itself became something to be anxious about, and meanwhile life was put on hold.

After two or three years of this I'd had enough. I began to experiment with acceptance, mindfulness, and valued action instead of detecting, disputing, and changing my insides.

I remember a moment that symbolizes the change in direction. In the middle of a panic attack, with a guttural scream like you hear in the movies, I literally shouted out loud to my own mind. "You can make me feel pain, you can make me feel anxiety," I yelled. "But you cannot make me turn away from my own experience."

It has not been a smooth path and it was several years before anxiety itself was obviously way down (getting it to go down was no longer my purpose, remember, but ironically when you stop trying to make it happen, often it does), but almost immediately life opened up again. ACT is the result of over 20 years of research, following the lead this provided.

Amazon.com: You are a language researcher and chapter two of Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life is called "Why Language Leads to Suffering." Can you tell us why you suggest that language is a source of human suffering?

Steven Hayes: Human language (by that I mean our symbolic abilities generally) is central to effective human cognition. It evolved to keep us from starving or being eaten--and it has done a pretty good job of that.

The key to symbolic processes is the ability to relate events in new and arbitrary ways. Our research program has shown this ability even in 14 month old babies, and we now know it comes from direct training from parents and others as part of normal language development. It is a wonderful skill. It allows us to imagine futures that have never been, and to compare situations that have never actually been experienced. That is the every essence of human verbal problem solving.

But that same process has a downside for human beings. For example, it allows us to fear things we have never experienced (e.g., death). It allows us to run from the past or compare the dull present to a fantasized future and to be unhappy as a result. And in my case it lead to the common sense but ultimately unhelpful idea that I needed to get rid of anxiety before I could live well.

We get a lot of training in how to develop and use our minds, but we get very little training in how to step out of the mental chatter when that is needed. As a result, this mental tool begins to use us. It will even claim to BE us. The overextension of human language and cognition, I believe, is at the core of the vast majority of human suffering in the developed world and human technology (the media) is only amplifying the problem by exposing us to an ever increasing stream of symbols and images. Learning how to get out of your mind and into your life when you need to do that is an essential skill in the modern world.

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For many of us, feelings of deficiency are right around the corner. It doesn’t take much--just hearing of someone else’s accomplishments, being criticized, getting into an argument, making a mistake at work--to make us feel that we are not okay. Beginning to understand how our lives have become ensnared in this trance of unworthiness is our first step toward reconnecting with who we really are and what it means to live fully.
--fromRadical Acceptance

Radical Acceptance

“Believing that something is wrong with us is a deep and tenacious suffering,” says Tara Brach at the start of this illuminating book. This suffering emerges in crippling self-judgments and conflicts in our relationships, in addictions and perfectionism, in loneliness and overwork--all the forces that keep our lives constricted and unfulfilled. Radical Acceptance offers a path to freedom, including the day-to-day practical guidance developed over Dr. Brach’s twenty years of work with therapy clients and Buddhist students.

Writing with great warmth and clarity, Tara Brach brings her teachings alive through personal stories and case histories, fresh interpretations of Buddhist tales, and guided meditations. Step by step, she leads us to trust our innate goodness, showing how we can develop the balance of clear-sightedness and compassion that is the essence of Radical Acceptance. Radical Acceptance does not mean self-indulgence or passivity. Instead it empowers genuine change: healing fear and shame and helping to build loving, authentic relationships. When we stop being at war with ourselves, we are free to live fully every precious moment of our lives.


From the Hardcover edition..
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Bored and dissatisfied with his life, a triangle visits a local shapeshifter to add another angle to his shape. Poof! He becomes a quadrilateral But then he gets greedy and keeps adding angles until he's completely transformed. Kids will enjoy this boldly colorful introduction to shapes and basic math concepts.

Now available in Scholastic Bookshelf editions, the Brainy Day Books have been developed by nationally acclaimed math educator and best-selling author Marilyn Burns. Using entertaining fictional stories, these books dispel the myth that math is dry, inaccessible, and unimaginative. At the end of each book, there's a special section that further outlines math concepts and provides questions to further engage children..
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Donald Zinkoff is one of the greatest kids you could ever hope to meet. He laughs easily, he likes people, he loves school, he tries to rescue lost girls in blizzards, he talks to old ladies. The only problem is, he's a loser. Until fourth grade, Zinkoff's uncontrollable giggling in class, sloppy handwriting, horrible flute playing, bad grades, clumsiness, and ineptitude at sports go largely unnoticed. When he blows a race for his team, however, his transition to loserdom is complete: "[Loser] is the word. It is Zinkoff's new name. It is not in the roll book." Fortunately, he doesn't really notice. As he did in Stargirl, Newbery Medal-winning author Jerry Spinelli again explores the cruelty of a student body and how it does and doesn't affect one student, pure of spirit. Presumably if Loser makes one child view a "different kid" as a three-dimensional character, Spinelli will consider his book successful.

The author recounts Zinkoff's story--a case study of sorts--in short sentences from a deliberately reportorial point of view, documenting the first years of the boy's life and his evolution into a loser. What makes the book charming and buoyant is that the reader, like Zinkoff's parents and his favorite teacher, appreciates the boy's oblivious joie de vivre and his divine quirks. What is less compelling about the novel is the "let this be a lesson to us" heavy-handedness that accompanies the reportorial approach. Still, Spinelli comes through again with a lively, often moving story with humor and heart to spare. (Ages 8 to 12) --Karin Snelson.
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Vital information for every college applicant. A former Ivy League admissions officer provides tough and funny advice on coming up with the best essay possible..
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Dr. Laura Schlessinger agrees that there are things worth whining about! A certain amount of whining allows for some venting of reasonable pain, disappointment, fear, frustration, or frank rage. However, staying stuck in whining mode can become a life-long problem. This is where Dr. Laura steps in with Stop Whining, Start Living to help folks conquer the temptation to retreat from living life to the fullest.

As she reveals in her introduction, "No matter what you've suffered or continue to suffer, while you are alive you have the opportunity to get something from this life, and I'm going to do my best to help you with that. . . . I know of what I speak, as this has been my torturous journey also." Building on the principles developed during her long career as a licensed marriage and family therapist, and addressing the chronic struggles of so many of her listeners and readers, Dr. Laura issues an important message in the no-nonsense but compassionate voice that is her trademark: If you don't like your life, quit talking about your unhappiness and try to fix it, no matter how difficult or impossible your situation seems.

While it is healthy to vent occasionally, endless rumination on the negative only keeps you paralyzed in misery, reinforces hopelessness, and demoralizes those around you who feel helpless to bring any happiness into your life. Instead, Stop Whining, Start Living encourages "whiners" to reject negative thoughts, emotions, and attitudes; shift perspective; open up to gratitude and goodness; and embrace obligations to loved ones and the world in general. Before long, just doing what you're supposed to be doing--instead of moaning about why you can't or won't or shouldn't fulfill your responsibilities--will have you feeling better about yourself and will uplift your interactions with family, friends, colleagues, and even complete strangers in incredible ways.

Illustrated by calls and letters from members of Dr. Laura's huge international audience, Stop Whining, Start Living features brave testimonials from real human beings facing real challenges. These folks have benefited enormously from Dr. Laura's powerful lessons.

Stop Whining, Start Living gives readers stuck in their suffering the jump start they need to break out of reactive mode and get proactive, moving in the direction of a joyful, meaningful, happy, fulfilling, and purposeful future. Everyone can use a kick in the pants sometimes, and Dr. Laura, who "preaches, teaches, and nags" to millions every day on her radio program, is here to deliver it!

Questions for Dr. Laura

Question: How and why does whining get in the way of living?

Dr. Laura: Whining as an immediate response to any sort of pain (physical, psychological, emotional, interpersonal) is normal and potentially helpful since venting helps get us some loving and supportive attention which "softens the blow." Staying in whining mode makes us ignore options for repair or growth and interferes with us squeezing joy out of every precious day.

Question:Stop Whining, Start Living assures readers that change is possible with commitment and willpower. But what can people do to break the habit of suffering?

Dr. Laura: Solutions to serious problems don't always have to be…well…serious! I have had people on the line who I've made sing and/or dance while live on the radio. It is almost impossible to be sad while "movin' to the music"! I've told listeners to turn on their radios or iPods to whatever music moves them (for me it is oldies rock) for fifteen minutes. Distraction and physicality do a lot to alleviate a negative mood. From there folks need to move into being a blessing unto others.

Question: Is it ever okay to whine? If so, for how long and under what circumstances?

Dr. Laura: As I wrote in Stop Whining, Start Living, I reserve the right to whine about some frustration, disappointment or assault for between one and four days max. After that I've become boring to myself and everyone around me. Constant whining takes full attention, which means you can't smell the roses. And, I only whine to someone who cares, will be sympathetic, and who will then help me get goin' again.

Question: When's the last time you, Dr. Laura, had a whining episode and how did you snap out of it?

Dr. Laura: It was just the other day! I got some thoroughly aggravating news and stomped around whining for a couple of hours. What always sets me straight is turning on my microphone. Why? Because for three hours each weekday I get to help people do and be better in their lives. I hear the respect and trust they've developed for me after months or years of listening to my program. I hear the switch snap in their brains as they "get" what it is they have to do or be to improve their lives. I hear the gratitude for my service. All of that is humbling and reboots my attitude. I am grateful to be of service and that more than makes up for whatever annoyance plagued my day. I also go sailing or take a power hike with my dog, BeBe.

Question: What can a person gain from giving up complaining?

Dr. Laura: I always tell folks that it is a dear shame to not enjoy a great plate of spaghetti and meatballs because you're disappointed in the number of meatballs. You gain dinner!

Question:The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage, your last bestseller, dealt with all the forces undermining today's marriages and the kind, loving actions, thoughts and behaviors at the core of every successful partnership. How does Stop Whining, Start Living build upon this foundation?

Dr. Laura:Stop Whining, Start Living doesn't build upon the foundation of The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage--it IS the foundation. To look at your spouse and see some things that annoy you and focus in on only those aspects of their being and your relationship is marriage and spouse abuse! To see some things that annoy you and to say to yourself, "Small price to pay to have someone to love and to love me," is to stop whining and start loving.

Question: You advise readers to just say `no' to hurt feelings. What do you mean?

Dr. Laura: Upset feelings can lead us to behaviors of either retaliation, self-abuse or perpetual negative rumination--if you let them. Any of those behaviors feed back into growing those upset feelings and letting them take solid root. The term "acceptance" seems so incomprehensible to so many people. Acceptance means that you stop fighting "it". When people call in their 30's and 40's still complaining that some parent, friend, or relative isn't giving/doing what they'd like…I tell them it is time to stop being surprised that an alligator isn't friendly in the bathtub. It's an alligator--and that's how alligators behave. Meanwhile, the new lovely people and circumstances of their lives are lower priority because they're still fighting for the "old stuff" to miraculously change--as though that would really make any true difference in their lives. I tell them to let go of their end of the tug-of-war and walk away towards what is and can be..
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Anxiety happens. It's not a choice. And attempts to "manage" your thoughts or "get rid" of worry, fear, and panic can leave you feeling frustrated and powerless. But you can take back your life from anxiety without controlling anxious thoughts and feelings. You can stop avoiding anxiety and start showing up to your life. This book will get you started, using a revolutionary new approach called acceptance and commitment therapy, or ACT.

The Mindfulness and Acceptance Workbook for Anxiety has one purpose: to help you live better, more fully, more richly. Your life is calling on you to make that choice, and the skills in this workbook can help you make it happen. Find out how your mind can trap you, keeping you stuck and struggling in anxiety and fear. Learn to nurture your capacity for acceptance, mindfulness, kindness, and compassion. Use these qualities to shift your focus away from anxiety and onto what you really want your life to be about. As you do, your life will get bigger as your anxious suffering gets smaller. No matter what kind of anxiety problem you're struggling with, this workbook can guide you toward a more vibrant and purposeful life.

"...Highly recommended for all those struggling with worry, anxiety, and fear." - David H. Barlow, Ph.D., professor of psychology and psychiatry at Boston University and author of Anxiety and Its Disorders.

"...a "must-read" for anyone encountering anxiety as a barrier to a leading a fuller life." - Zindel Segal, Ph.D., Morgan Firestone Chair in Psychotherpy at the University of Toronto and author of The Mindful Way Through Depression.

This workbook comes with a CD that includes a full-length audio guided meditation and electronic copies of the worksheets that appear inside the book..
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